But what's new? I am always tired...I wake up with a plan to do this and go there and I just can't...this kind of fatigue has no explanation...it's just there...Nurse Debbie says it's just all the rounds of chemo my body has gone through...but I just need to get strong enough to get through one more...I can't think...I can't even read at my normal pace...I just want to sit and rest but that doesn't allow the fatigue to go away because it just doesn't go away. I am unexplainably sad and then deliriously happy. I am anemic and crabby and low on red blood cells and magnesium and I am snappy with Saint Den when I have no right to be snappy with anyone. I should put myself in a room and sit quietly until I get over these feelings.
Will I ever be me again? Probably not...I was touched by something I never thought twice about...a debilitating illness that will always and forever be in my life. Can I deal with it? I hope so...
Forgive me for this...it's just a bad day...
Books...
this one remains so good...narcissism...fascinating...totally fascinating...I should be finished with this one today. It's one of those books where you can't stop reading because you need to know who took them...if anyone really took them!
Up next?
I think this...I need edgy...
Or this...I need beachy...
Or this...
I may need fantasy...
Dinner...
This looks so good...
But so does this...lately Den and I both love one pan wonders...this one is chicken and rice and broccoli and mushrooms...all cooked in one pot in the oven...eventually!
I am spent...
Hugs,
Patty
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Like you said, you have been touched by change this year and will never be quite the same but that doesn't mean you can't be even better than before. Change stretches us and sometimes it's a very painful, exhausting process. You are doing well. The fatigue you can't help. Just surround yourself with feel-good things and if that is sitting in the room by yourself with your chenille blanket and the kitties, then that is okay.
ReplyDeleteMaybe after this weekend you will feel a little better and be up for taking a little day trip. I always love that restaurant you go to that looks like a house. Go there. Get something really good.
You are such a good friend and that is a great idea...I think it's the place that has great steak and my body probably needs red meat right now...but every restaurant here is built in an old house. We called there to see what nights are quieter but it's getting the courage to go out where people will be actually looking at me...I am not sure I can do it...
DeleteFeeling tired is understandable, considering how much your body has to work to fight what is happening during chemo and its aftermath.
ReplyDeleteYou are a brave soldier, still thinking of books, food, and how much you want some semblance of your old life. But, like Ti says, your new normal can be even better. Hang on!
I am glad you are loving Emma in the Night. I have it now...and also Same Beach, Next Year. Enjoy!
Thank you...I think I only write these bluesy posts when I feel needy...I never get tired of your encouraging words...I gave up my list and rested and read...watched tv...I feel so much better...
DeleteI'm sorry it's been rough today, Patty. Don't worry about not being able to get to your list of To-Do's. Just snuggle up with your fur babies and take it easy. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteSuch good advice!
DeleteI can't add anything to what was so wisely shared by other commenters - except ((hugs)).
ReplyDeleteI got a pitch for Emma in the Night today and wonder if its a book for me. What do you think?
You have been reading books out of your comfort zone...all I can say is that the mystery of what happened to these sisters and their dysfunctional mother...who punishes her daughter by forcing her to call her Mrs. Martin...keeps me going...
DeleteYou may not be the same in months to come, but different doesn't mean you won't be better! You will certainly be a much stronger person for going through this experience, and your relationship with your husband, your family, & your friends will be stronger too. I'm sending up a prayer for you that the next couple of months will go by quickly.
ReplyDeleteAnd off-topic, yummy, yummy chicken dish! Hope you make that one.
Thank you! We will make it!
DeleteObtaining and maintaining a connection with Christ will carry you through. I wouldn't have made it through my illnesses and trials without Him. As much as we all have our connectons to the present world and love aspects of it, this is not all there is and we must all prepare for the time to come when this ends...whatever form it takes. There's an eternity awaiting us. We must be ready.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I love the cover of Given to the Sea! And that chicken dish looks delish. Snuggle with your fur babies and whisper quietly to the Lord about all that your feeling. He's there waiting...and I'm praying for your strength and confidence during these hard times. Love ya!☆♡♡☆
Thank you so much!
DeleteThank you, June!
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly reading a wide assortment of books! Hope they are keeping you entertained.
ReplyDeleteWe all have bad days and they are part of the process. I think it helps to get all of our thoughts out so they don't stay inside us. You may be different than you were before, but we are all changing all the time- most of us just don't notice. It may take time, but you will be stronger than before!
When my father-in-law stopped treatments and was at his weakest he and my MIL planned a trip. They planned it for a few months out when he would be stronger. They picked a cruise- but they went away together for over a week to just relax and enjoy each other's company. It gave him something to look forward to while he got his strength back and both of them needed some R and R and new memories were made. They were happier, healthier, and felt better when we picked them up at the airport. Maybe planning a trip to Maine or a new place would give you and Den some time away and something wonderful to look forward to.... :)
Hugs-
Stephanie
We have been talking about a little close to home trip but I am so vain about my hair...I want some before I go anywhere!
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