Today was supposed to be the first day of chemotherapy for me. We were up early...Den made oatmeal...I hydrated...we got there. I spent the car ride shaking and crying...calm was out of the question.
They had to do blood work first. This is where the trouble began...it took too long to find a vein for simple blood work so now I have to have a port. The initial thought was that I could get the port later but chemotherapy could start intravenously...unfortunately that's not happening!
A port is minor surgery at the hospital. I am at risk a bit because I have to stop the blood clotting meds I take to prevent blood clots for three days prior to port installation. The risk is small but it's one more thing to freak out over.
Anyway...right now chemotherapy number 1 is scheduled for Friday...Sept. 30th...I can't believe I have to go through this all over again.
I am exhausted...literally so tired I can not keep my eyes open. When will I get my happiness back?
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okay..just read your today blog about chemo..how heartbreaking..so now we take a deep breath...and pray for more peace and tranquility..lots of hugs to you my dear friend..love you so
ReplyDeleteI know...I can do this!
DeleteBoo. I'm sorry Patty you have another hurdle to deal with. Please do something that will make you smile and will make you forget for a bit this weekend if you can. Sending you a hug.
ReplyDeleteThanks...I will try!
DeleteHugs back!
DeletePatty, I've known you for a long while through blogging and so I know that you are all about comfort. Because I know that about you, I realize that this rocks your world more than say, someone else but this worrying isn't good for your health or well being. You really need to redirect your focus to other things so that your body can be strong and do what it needs to do. I agree with the other poster, do something you enjoy while waiting for all of this to take place. Pull out the coloring books, pop in a good movie or get the cats into their tent and go outside for a little while. Fresh air will do you a world of good.
ReplyDeleteI know...and you are so right...just know that I am trying...in spite of the issues...I do feel better and stronger...am I venting and sharing too much?
DeleteNot at all. We all want you to share with us. It helps to talk about it, I'm sure. I just worry about the affect that all this worrying will have on your healing. I get it. I mean, I would worry too. I am a horrible worrier but do try to find some time to laugh today. Not all the time because sometimes it feels good to cry too but laughter is so important.
DeleteI will...it just took so long to even get this strong...but I can find joy! I can...
DeleteYou're in the midst of intense moments with much uncertainty. Work to stay in the moment of each day and stop yourself when you begin to project days into the future. Each individual day has enough going on. This is something I struggle with too and it produces much anxiety. Make a conscious effort to stay in the moment, in the day.
Delete"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34 (New International Version)
Love, ya!! 💕 😊 💖 💓 💗
Glad to see you posting!
You are so right, June, I am trying!
DeleteSorry things didn't go as planned...the anxiety of getting ready for it and then having it postponed is huge, I'm sure. Try to relax this weekend, snuggle with Den and the kitties, try not to thing about Friday, and I agree with the other posters do something that gives you joy. I know easier said than done, and I know you're trying, and we are all here for you with prayers and plenty of hugs. Hang in there. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I will!
DeleteAw, Patty, I'm sorry your day didn't go as planned. I can't add anything to what's already been said except I'm sending you virtual hugs and hope you'll find lots to keep yourself occupied this week.
ReplyDeleteWhen you mentioned the port it brought back a memory that my nephew named his port (he had cancer as child). He called it Charlie :) He's now in college.
I know...there isn't much to say!
DeleteOh, how disappointing...but on the upside, you are handling it all. You are getting strong again, and finding new coping mechanisms.
ReplyDeleteSending positive thoughts! I hope all goes well next week.
I guess I am handling it reasonably well?
DeleteMy heart just sank as I read this post... an unexpected setback is so disappointing. Easier said than done, I know, but try to look at it as an opportunity to get another week stronger before the first session. Sending you positive, healing, strengthening vibes. Take care, Patty.
ReplyDeleteI know...I could not believe it either...I just wanted to get that first one over with. Thank you!
DeleteHang in there.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Maggie, I will!
DeleteI am so sorry you're having to go through this. Things have got to go your way soon!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing...isn't it?
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