Monday, September 5, 2016

Today...

I am resting after the visiting nurse changed my bandages. Then I walked hard around the house, ate small bites of protein, drank orange juice because Vitamin C helps people heal, and ate as much protein packed salmon as I could that I knew would make Den happy. For some weird reason meat is not appealing to me now. Den keeps buying it and I keep having a huge aversion to it. Sigh! I try to help him by emptying the dishwasher and folding clothes and putting them away but he does not want me to help out this way. I can't go upstairs by myself, I can't use knives because of blood thinners, I can't walk outside while I am attached to the wound vac that is making me heal. The gurgle of the wound vac and the crampy stomach it gives me makes me cry a bit every morning and then I try to get over it. I can't get up to do anything without unhooking myself. Sigh! And my attachment will be at least another week. I try not to think about it but the constant gurgle we make remind me that I am never alone. I don't even remember what it would be like to just get up and walk to another part of our house without unattaching and attaching again. I gurgle! I squeak! I am not free!

This wound vac thing will bring me another round of tears...of course. Den tells me to stay strong..it's all minor...but I still get teary. Teary is what I do lately.

Friends want to bring us food...anything I am craving. With just two of us we didn't think that was necessary but in fact we are discovering that it is a blessing...an amazing blessing.

Our special neighbor brought salmon and buttered noodles...protein filled salmon that tasted so good. Our across the street neighbor brought us homemade salsa and the most incredible granola...they want to come and cook me the pasta I have been craving later this week.

Two friends from school came for lunch today and made me more buttered noodles and salads...and brought me a prayer shawl and their love...it was amazing to sit and just watch them put lunch together...we chatted and when they left I fell sound asleep.

This is me lately...more tired, more humble, more gray and more thankful! Lately when Den and I prep for bed I ask him to tell me my story. I don't remember much of what happened right after I was taken to surgery. I remember bits and pieces during recovery but I always remember the nurses telling me that Den called to see how I was and that he was on his way in. Once I saw him...even in the early days when I couldn't stay awake for very long...I felt safe. I always feel safe with Den. Always...

I would sit in the chair in my room or in the hospital bed and try to keep my eyes open while he told me about the house and the kitties and what he had for dinner...the normal cherished patterns in the life we had before this surgery. I know he is waiting for me to stop watching the Food Channel and start reading again. I feel close to doing just that...I held a book yesterday...does that count?

I think it does!

 

13 comments:

  1. Patty, you look good. Please know that you are not alone. Many have walked that road, and some have more than once. Illness puts things into perspective, as to what and who is important. We all need to remember that, because when all is said and done, that is what matters. You are blessed by all of those people. Bless them back. And remember...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It really does. ❤

    ReplyDelete
  2. Den is a gem - I'm so glad you have him to take care of you. Please keep us posted.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes, holding a book definitely counts! It's another step on the way back to you. I can't imagine all you are dealing with now, Patty, but I helped my mother in August as she struggled after hip replacement surgery and then a cardiac cath... even after her IV was gone, she was still hooked up to a compression machine on both calves with all sorts of cords. Not as bad as a gurgling wound vac, but it gives me some context for what you must be feeling now. You're in my thoughts and prayers daily.... hope you can delight in the small steps. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I do! Every small step...every 10 laps around the house without struggling to breathe...makes me feel more and more like me!

      Delete
  4. Yes, holding a book is a step in the right direction, just as your blog posts and FB posts are encouraging signs. You are rejoining the rest of us! Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are always in my thoughts, & every step you take is huge. So very proud of you, sister! Am right here for you. Sending love & good thought always....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I feel your love always!

      Delete
    2. 1:12 am? Go to sleep! You're a worse sleeper than Mia! 😘

      Delete
  6. I'm glad you posted a picture. You look good,Patty. A bit sad, but good. You're going to be alright.♡

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, June! I am a little sad! Still!

      Delete