I am resting after the visiting nurse changed my bandages. Then I walked hard around the house, ate small bites of protein, drank orange juice because Vitamin C helps people heal, and ate as much protein packed salmon as I could that I knew would make Den happy. For some weird reason meat is not appealing to me now. Den keeps buying it and I keep having a huge aversion to it. Sigh! I try to help him by emptying the dishwasher and folding clothes and putting them away but he does not want me to help out this way. I can't go upstairs by myself, I can't use knives because of blood thinners, I can't walk outside while I am attached to the wound vac that is making me heal. The gurgle of the wound vac and the crampy stomach it gives me makes me cry a bit every morning and then I try to get over it. I can't get up to do anything without unhooking myself. Sigh! And my attachment will be at least another week. I try not to think about it but the constant gurgle we make remind me that I am never alone. I don't even remember what it would be like to just get up and walk to another part of our house without unattaching and attaching again. I gurgle! I squeak! I am not free!
This wound vac thing will bring me another round of tears...of course. Den tells me to stay strong..it's all minor...but I still get teary. Teary is what I do lately.
Friends want to bring us food...anything I am craving. With just two of us we didn't think that was necessary but in fact we are discovering that it is a blessing...an amazing blessing.
Our special neighbor brought salmon and buttered noodles...protein filled salmon that tasted so good. Our across the street neighbor brought us homemade salsa and the most incredible granola...they want to come and cook me the pasta I have been craving later this week.
Two friends from school came for lunch today and made me more buttered noodles and salads...and brought me a prayer shawl and their love...it was amazing to sit and just watch them put lunch together...we chatted and when they left I fell sound asleep.
This is me lately...more tired, more humble, more gray and more thankful! Lately when Den and I prep for bed I ask him to tell me my story. I don't remember much of what happened right after I was taken to surgery. I remember bits and pieces during recovery but I always remember the nurses telling me that Den called to see how I was and that he was on his way in. Once I saw him...even in the early days when I couldn't stay awake for very long...I felt safe. I always feel safe with Den. Always...
I would sit in the chair in my room or in the hospital bed and try to keep my eyes open while he told me about the house and the kitties and what he had for dinner...the normal cherished patterns in the life we had before this surgery. I know he is waiting for me to stop watching the Food Channel and start reading again. I feel close to doing just that...I held a book yesterday...does that count?
I think it does!